Hello, hello andddd hello.
I hope you’re all doing well on this fine week 49 of lockdown. Seriously, time keeps escaping us, and I am starting to hit the point of not really remembering a time before all this. It has quickly become a new normal and I am not sure how I feel about how comfortable this is getting. I stay up until 3 in the morning most nights, finding some absolute trash to watch. Last night I watched Flood, a 2007 two parter that stars Robert Carlyle and is essentially about a huge storm surge that breaches the Thames Barrier and chaos follows. It’s terrible. The CGI is questionable, the accents tricked me into thinking London was a state in America and the storyline is a wild time…but it’s exactly what the brain needs at 2:15 in the morning. I have finally caught up with How to Get Away With Murder and I beg you, please, stop what you are doing and begin binging immediately. It’s quickly become my third favourite show to binge watch, after ER and Revenge. Side note: every episode of ER is available on All4 at the time of writing this so please go and watch it immediately. It paved the way for hospital series as we know them – and even gave a young George Clooney his break.
Elsewhere, we we had a surprise visit to our home this week, and it wasn’t the police shouting at my mum for going to Aldi twice in one week. My brother and eldest niece turned up for a social distancing brew and chat. Me and Ruby did our secret handshake but modified it to work 6 feet apart, my brother threatened to shave his head which is a questionable idea considering our dad has been bald for many years and has never quite escaped looking like a pebble. It was lovely to see them, but a part of me wishes they hadn’t turned up, because all I wanted to do was squish Ruby’s face and give my brother a hug – and we never hug. I think our last hug was the time he put his head on my shoulder because we were both a bit hungover and needed that, and before that it was 6 years ago at his wedding when we were both bladdered and I’d just had an argument with our sister. But this lockdown is giving me all the feelings that I thought I’d escaped by being cold.
That leads us all into a statement that nobody thought would come from my mouth. Reader, I am about to give you a world exclusive. I think I am ready to settle down and find the one. Yup. Me, who throws up on people naked. Me who once discovered my ex summer romance was married with kids during midnight mass. I, who swore I’d never settle again after going through tumultuous dating disaster after tumultuous dating disaster. Did I ever tell you about the time I was on a first date and whilst we were both planning the second, he jokingly told me he got a match on tinder so I jokingly told him to marry the new match on tinder. Fast forward and….well, the rest really isn’t a shock to anybody keeping up with my life at this point, is it? But, alas, here I am, sat in my parents home where I live, when I should be in living my dream life in London (thanks, lockdown), craving a cuddle. I miss intimacy. I don’t miss sex, I don’t miss that at all, but I miss intimacy. I miss getting lost in exploring somebody else. I cannot explain it, nor do I sit entirely comfortable with it, but lockdown has made me analyse both the world around me, and the world within me, and I think I’m ready to get married and sign my life away to exist with someone by my side. Now, if only someone would come in and save me like the damsel in dating disasters that I am.
We all know that feeling will probably fade the second that this lockdown is lifted, and I can finally go back to being allowed to be a sociable creature, but choosing not to being a social creature. So let us move on to more pressing matters, the update I know you all came here for. With the biggest smile across my face, I can tell you that I finally have all the fruit on Animal Crossing. I also have the Island Designer App so you just know I’ve spent my time laying pavements and knocking down cliffs. And, with that, I am proud to tell you that I actually, might, slightly love how my island is coming together.
Back in the world of DanCooleDaily, I took a huge gamble earlier this week. Your feedback on these columns has been incredible. It’s so refreshing to be told that you enjoy seeing this side of me. The fun, slightly quirky and definitely weird sides that, combined with everything else, makes me who I am. For five years now, my existence on the internet has been very serious, as I have played the role of the mental health boy. I will always be the mental health boy, but I’ve felt inspired to change it all up a bit and show the other sides of me too. It felt a little risky, because all I’ve ever known in this job is talking about my sad, and so to show the ‘offline’ side of me has been quite a vulnerable experience. I released a video reading my favourite hate messages, and it’s quickly become one of my favourite videos. So a big, mushy, ‘I am ready to settle down and find the one so this is my new eternal mood’ thank you to all of you who have helped me to feel accepted when it comes to the other sides of me, too.
Finally, I leave you once again, with a new music suggestion. Wrabel. I imagine most of you will know who he is, but if you don’t, listen to 11 Blocks, and then listen to The Village – a song written about a trans teens struggles with coming out and acceptance. It’s a beautiful song, and I feel it resinates with so many of us.
Update: my brother shaved his hair. It actually looks pretty good. Better than when I did it, and therefore, I must automatically hate him in some sort of sibling inspired jealousy.
Until next week